Hormones. A word that has been prevalent in my vocabulary for about 10 months now. I am lucky though. I don’t have huge PMS mood swings or cramps, and I really didn’t see much of a shift in my mood when I was pregnant. Now, there were a few times that I may have been irrationally mad at my husband, but would realize shortly after that I was being ridiculous. That doesn’t mean that I admitted it, but I knew. Sorry hubby!
I’m at the age where all of my friends seem to be having babies. So, we are in constant communication about each of our experiences. My friend told me she is way more emotional after baby, compared to when she was pregnant. But she was emotional with child too, so I thought I may be in the clear.
Wrong! Hormones hit me like a ton of bricks. They didn’t slowly introduce themselves. They just knocked down the door and had a party in my head. I have had two types of hormonal meltdowns; the explainable and the unexplainable.
This one was explainable. It was Christmas Eve, and we had plans to go to my family’s house. This was 6 days after Layla was born, and the first time I have left the house. It all started with me getting dressed. I knew the weight I had gained wasn’t just going to fall off. But putting back on maternity clothes was extremely difficult for me. I wish I could say that I’m confident and proud of my body, because this body gave me a baby. But I was very upset. I felt uncomfortable in my own body. I didn’t recognize myself. I know it will take time, and once I am healed, I cannot wait to get back into yoga and going for walks with our baby. Until then, I just need to eat healthy and try not to let myself get in my head. Because I should feel proud of what my body did damnit!
Then there are the unexplainable meltdowns. Crying and not knowing why is hard. It’s especially difficult for my husband. He wants to help, to understand. But how can he when the person upset, doesn’t even have a reason for the tears? The answer; just listen. Talking with my husband and explaining my feelings has really helped. I also confide in my friends and family. Knowing that you are not alone, that you are not crazy, is comforting. Keeping it in is not good for anyone. Many woman get the baby blues, and bottle it all in. Giving birth can be very traumatizing. And just like any traumatic event, it helps to discuss what you are feeling.
I don’t think I have baby blues, just some hormones going on. But I’m going to keep the communication open with my husband so that he knows what is going on with me, and can support me in any way he can. So hormones, have at it. I’m ready for you.
On a very serious note; if you are experiencing baby blues or postpartum depression, you need to discuss with your physician. Many woman feel ashamed or embarrassed about what they are feeling. It is totally normal. And treatable. So don’t hold it in ladies. Let it all out, and accept the help. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you are taken care of, the better it will be for your baby as well.
A great read on the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression is below: