One day you’re scrolling through your social media. There are all these photos of your friend’s children, with captions that read; “TMI Alert: Johnny pooped in the toilet! #proudmama”, or “sorry ahead of time for all the annoying photos. I just can’t help myself!”, and you roll your eyes, unfollow them and keep going with you life.
Then one day, you wake up and say, “Ok, babe, let’s do this”. My husband, of course replies with, “move to a tropical island?!” No, have the babies!
For me, the maternal feeling started when my niece was born. At first, I was terrified to hold her, for multiple reasons. Mainly because I didn’t know where I would put my wine glass, but also out of fear. Will I drop her? Am I holding the head up-right enough? Will she spit up on my new Zara dress?!
Then she started to walk, and talk. And let me tell you, she is the COOLEST kid! I know everyone says this about their own kids, or their family member’s children….but this one is special. She has brought so much joy to our family. My husband and I call to hang out with my sister and Brother-In-Law, for the sole purpose of hanging out with my niece.
My husband and I went on a romantic/last hoorah New Years eve getaway. We drank wine and tequila by the fire, played games, bar hopped in the small little mountain town of Idyllwild , and decided to officially start trying. I became very ill around my ovulation time, (according to the app I downloaded), so January was out. February flew by. Ok March…let’s do this!
April begins like any other month. I work, come home, cook dinner, drink wine and watch Bravo. I kept telling my husband that I was late, and he informed me that I actually was not. Sadly, my husband knows my cycle better than myself. A few days later, still no visitor. We have a wedding to go to over the weekend. Now this wedding is that of a girl that I used to work with at a very fun bar, so you can imagine how much drinking and partying is going to take place. In my head, I said, “I will take a test on Monday. People drink all the time when they don’t know they are pregnant, so it will be fine. I’m not ready to know yet.”
Thursday, I wake up and I just feel different. How cliché of me. But seriously. My tiny little excuse for breast looked bigger and were very tender. I started to feel clammy, and I was very irritable. I knew. I couldn’t pretend this wasn’t happening. Furthermore, what kind of horrible human being pretends she doesn’t know she’s pregnant, so that she can partake in an open bar at a wedding?!
That day I walked to the store on my lunch break, and bought a pregnancy test and gum. It’s like when you go to the store for tampons; you can’t buy just tampons. Grab something else to distract..anything! Why is the clerk staring at me?! I wanted this. It’s not like I’m 16 and filming a show for MTV. I am of an appropriate age. I’m happily married. Stop looking at me clerk, just swipe the card and look away!
I come home with the test. My husband said he googled when the best time to take it is. He said to wait until the morning. As if somehow my pee would steer me wrong if I took the test at 7 PM instead of 7 AM. I disregarded his advice and took the test. I grabbed my husband, and we both hovered over the test…..waiting. Anxiously staring at the pee stick….and….PREGNANT!
Now this is the moment you see on TV, or on Snapchat, where we grab each other and kiss. Call our families screaming, and scrap book the test. Errrr wrong. We both just kind of stared at each other. I think “wow” were my first words. We hugged, and smiled, then went back to making dinner. I texted my sister, (who is 2 months pregnant with her second), a photo of the test, and she was so excited! We were still in shock. I think your mind just starts going a million miles an hour, and you start to stress. I’m stressed. Must pour wine. Crap!
Eventually the news settles in and it was almost as if there was a ray of sunshine beaming out of me. I could see that my husband had that same beam of sunshine coming out of him. Since that day, it’s all we talk about. It’s all we think about. I live on google. What can I eat? Can I do hot yoga? All of these things. Then it dawned on me. Last week I literally would have taken a free shot of tequila off of a hairy man’s chest in Mexico, and today I am scrubbing my vegetables with a tooth brush to ensure all of the pesticides are gone.
It’s true what they say. Having a baby changes everything. Your maternal instincts kick in instantly. Although our baby is not here yet, it has already completely changed my outlook on life, in the best way possible.